Chris Rock had it coming
This incident reminds me vividly of the time I was a guest in the home of a bachelor buddy of my then boyfriend. The buddy was out and kindly let us stay at his home while we were traveling. We ate breakfast the next morning and I set about washing the breakfast dishes like a good guest. I could not find the dishwashing liquid. The buddy returned while we were still there, and I apologized for not washing the dishes properly, and he suddenly erupted in a torrent of verbal abuse directed at me! I don’t remember his words, but I felt shocked and humiliated, to say the least. I looked to the boyfriend to say something in my defense but he said not a word, just stood there like a dope. I understood then that some kind of masculine code of honor was operating … at my expense. Clearly his friendship with this boorish man was much important than our relationship.
On another occasion, with a different bosom buddy, the buddy asked the boyfriend, “What are women good for, anyway?” The boyfriend answered, “They put flowers on the table.” Not: “What the hell kind of question is that??”
C’mon, women, how many of you have had this very thing happen, with a man you assumed thought more highly of you than apparently he did (or does)?
So the continuing outrage over this relatively harmless display of pissed-offness by Will Smith is fascinating to observe, not the least because it is one of the rare — let me repeat — rare instances of a male defending a woman from verbal abuse by another male, in a courageous, authentic, unpremeditated way that most of us can relate to if we are honest.
Rock was being a jerk. And many comics are jerks; the laughter they elicit is often uncomfortable laughter, because the joke often touches sensitive material that most people try to keep under wraps. Remember Ozzie & Harriet? Remember the Honeymooners? Insults and jabs, usually directed at the women (who just shook their head and took a deep breath) were their stock in trade. Rodney Dangerfield? He refined the technique and made it modern. Audiences roared with laughter. Insult became standard fare for showmen and standup comedians. We fell for it because those jokes were, well, just jokes, right?
Too bad for Chris Rock that the technique backfired on him. He aimed it at a real person — a woman — whose husband was not afraid in the least to give him a whack, and followed up with telling Rock to keep Jada Pinkett Smith’s name out of his mouth. Not cringing, or groveling or turning the other cheek or running home to mama.
One lovely summer evening I was at a neighborhood potluck supper north of Seattle. At that time I had a big Black Lab mix, 85 pounds, a wonderful dog who would lay down his life for me without a second’s hesitation. Ingi never picked a fight, but he would sort of loom over a pugnacious dog until the latter thought better of it. At the potluck was a neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was harassing my dog constantly, for whatever reason. Anyway, my dog finally had enough. He grabbed the beagle by the neck and tossed it across the yard. The beagle wasn’t hurt but you can bet he gave my dog a wide berth after that. Direct, honest, and abundantly clear.
It is well known that the best way to silence a jerk is to stand up to him or her. Will Smith did just that. And yet he is being pilloried by the very people who should have recognized the “joke” as an insult to the woman present.
